I dance outside of Karma

I don't think I have good karma. I look through the back pages of my past and, well, I've done some things that didn't help the karma cause. I mean really, I'm surprised I haven't been sandwiched between a semi and a brick wall yet. I think people around me are suprised too.
I've been told that, according to Buddhism, karma is what determins what you are reincarnated as. In addition, men are higher in the karma chain than women. Well, whatever gains my past life made have been completely trashed. Just right out the window.
Thus, it is time for my life to be guided by forces greater than karma. Luck, perhaps. Perhaps it is luck that has been my guiding force all along? Maybe. That could explain why there hasn't been a mixmaster sandwich yet. Maybe it's being dished to me in small pieces. That could explain what happened last night, cause I sure as hell don't know. I only remember about 4 or 5 drinks and then and all that's left is a collage of images and slow motion clips.
So maybe I still have a chance.
If you will allow me to presently declare, this day marks a new beginning. From here on out, its all about Karma. I plan to build up enough that I can give some out in raffles on various foreign holidays. First I've gotta get back up to zero, cause I think right now I'm in the negative. Anybody know some blockbuster ways to kick off the campaign? I need maximum increase per hour.
Karma utility, you are mine.