Monday, November 03, 2008

Dreams worth reliving

For reasons not completely known, my AIESEC participation in Malaysia was minimal, consisting of one 15 minute speech at an LC's new member conference. The only reason I went was because my roommate woke me up, figured out how to get there, and made sure we didn't have to stay the whole time.

This was a step in a different direction than my normal path would have dictated. I never completely stepped back, but I never stepped forward, either, even while close friends were doing just that. When I thought about stepping forward, I thought about it in terms of working with him, not in terms of changing lives. Thus, the motivation was also different.

There are only mild pangs of regret.

Now, in this next stage of existence, where I'm an entrepreneur focused on a dream and (officially, finally) an alumni, I am consciously stepping forward once again. 

And again, I look to my past, though this time I see I'm acting with consistency, and basing my operations outside of traditional, structured roles. 

Over the course of my AIESEC experience, I only held one long term position. Otherwise I jumped around short term, project-based positions that often existed outside the "traditional" structure of the organization. 

And that brings me to the present day. Instead of a sustained, paid position (which I recently and deliberately passed on pursuing), I've taken the temporary, fairly loose role of co-chair of ROKS this semester. 

Perhaps this is the opening paragraph to the "definition" I was looking for in how AIESEC would fit into my life. 

I have never liked the pigeon holes of execution that often come with positions of power, so aspirations of Board, steering team, and similar participation were perhaps the wrong trees to mentally bark up all along. 

Producing and scheming your own projects requires a certain self-initiation, which in turn begets chaos, but this was always my chosen battlefield. And thinking about it, ROKS is one big steaming pile of organizational, mental, and personal self-reflective chaos.

Which is a good thing.

Because it is best done amidst the chaos, I think, that you pull someone aside, give them an eye in that storm every member endures, and totally fucking blow their mind.

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